


Forgotten Memories

by AlpineFresh



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Edward is still alive in this, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Phil is a good dad with many regrets, Ranboo burns his memory books, Takes place a week after L'Manberg gets mcxploded by Techno and co
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:08:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29045121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlpineFresh/pseuds/AlpineFresh
Summary: The hybrid drew his knees in close to his chest and curled his tail around his feet with a quiet vrrp.He kept telling himself that he was fine, he didn't need to know what happened or where he was. Stubbornly continuing to insist to himself that he was happier this way, forever wandering with only a cat by his side to keep him company.He knew that wasn't true though. No matter what lies he tried to tell himself, no amount of flowers or gentle purring would ever be enough to fill the gaping hole in his heart.(Title from The Last of Us ost)
Relationships: Ranboo & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 228





	Forgotten Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Oh heck- accidentally deleted my notes. Time to rewrite ;-;
> 
> I probably should have had this finished about a week ago (that's when I started writing it), but oh well, it seems there's very little to be done for low motivation.
> 
> I'm actually pretty proud of this one though, so I hope you'll enjoy it :D
> 
> TW: Panic attacks, non-graphic broken arm, mild disassociation (probably?)

Ranboo sat in a field of long grass and flowers, lazily watching the plants sway in gentle breezes.

He couldn’t tell you where he was if you were to ask him, but with Enderchest playfully batting at tall purple flowers and bees buzzing dutifully overhead, he couldn’t bring himself to mind all that much.

…

The hybrid drew his knees in close to his chest and curled his tail around his feet with a quiet _vrrp._

He kept telling that to himself. Stubbornly continuing to insist to himself that he was fine, that he was happier like this.

But he still wasn’t sure how much truth that statement held.

It felt like there was a gaping hole in his chest, a void that couldn’t be filled by flowers and soft purring.

“It’s fine, you wanted this… _What?_ What did you want? Why are you in the middle of nowhere? Didn’t you have a book? What happened to the book, why don’t you have the book anymore?” It felt like he was trying to put a puzzle together, but he only had three pieces from entirely different puzzles.

He _knew_ he was supposed to have a memory book- he still found himself reaching for it on occasion, but it just _wasn’t there._

What _happened_ to him? Where was the book?

Ranboo’s thoughts came to a sudden halt as a sudden sense of unease filled him.

He strained his ears and did a quick scan of the field.

Ender was no longer playing with the flowers. She wasn’t even in the field anymore, not so much as a ripple in the grass to indicate her presence.

Ranboo slowly rose to his feet, tail coiling anxiously and ears flicking to the side. “Ender? Enderchest, where are you?”

Maybe she was just in the forest?

But Ender never left his side- she was always in sight! So where was she? Why did she leave- was she hurt?

Panic and fear for his sole companion clawed at his chest. "Ender!" He called with a couple of distressed warped noises he failed to hold back.

_"Think, Ranboo!_ She can't have gone far, _she can't have,"_ he hissed under his breath. 

Unless a bird swooped in and carried her away while he was too busy with his internal monolog. 

And now he was doing it _again!_ Doing absolutely nothing while someone he cared about was being potentially carried off by a hawk!

Ranboo shook his head. No- she’s smarter than that, and surely Ranboo would have noticed if a hawk swooped down.

The teen took a deep breath and balled his fists, staring into the forest. She can’t have gotten very far, he had to find her.

He didn’t waste another moment, swiftly taking off into the forest with steely determination to find his only friend.

“Enderchest! Ender where are you!” He called, listening intently as he ran.

He pushed through bushes, completely unaware of the hidden ravine until it was too late and he was plummeting towards rocks with a short scream.

Ranboo slammed against one of the rocky ledges, nearly unable to hear the sharp crack that sounded over his own winded gasping for breath.

And then burning pain erupted from his left arm, only making it harder to breathe.

The hybrid whimpered as he pushed himself off his injured arm and backed himself up against the uneven wall of the ravine. His arm was limp at his side, Ranboo didn’t dare try to move it, terrified of the pain it would cause.

**_"_** ** _Help!_ "**He choked out in warbled endspeak as hot tears burned like acid dripping down his cheeks.

“Ender, are you there? Please- please I need help! **_I need help!”_ ** Ranboo felt nausea swelling up in his stomach as panic overtook him.

**_“No, no, no, no- I need help- please, I need help, I need help, I need help,”_ ** He devolved into quiet sobbing, knees drawn close and fist clenched.

Things he didn’t want to remember rose to the surface of his mind.

Tripping over rubble at the bottom of a pit, covered in scrapes and bruises as he struggled to get away from something.

Ranboo’s shaking turned into full-body trembling. The memory of three ebony skulls looming over him, bones rattling in a hollow rib cage. 

It felt like his lungs were being withered away, and soon Ranboo felt as though he could no longer make heads or tails of what was happening to him. The memory took hold of him, trapping his mental state in the past as his arm continued to send spikes of pain and the contents of his stomach threatened to come up.

His eyes shot open as something warm touched him.

The hybrid flinched as he accidentally made eye-contact with a winged man.

There was something strikingly familiar about the man, about the striped green hat and unkempt blond hair.

**_"Help,"_ ** Ranboo croaked as static spilled into his mind and blurred his vision (or maybe that was just the tears making it harder to see).

The man brushed away Ranboo's tears, "Shh, it's gonna be okay. I'm gonna help you, mate, you’re safe now," he murmured hushed reassurances.

Ranboo shakily exhaled what little air was in his lungs and leaned into the touch. He may not have remembered this man, but his mere presence alone was enough to flood Ranboo’s senses with safety.

His eyes slipped closed to the feeling of being gently lifted off the ground, tingling arm crossed over his chest.

\---

"So you just… Found him like that?"

There was a familiar fluffy weight on Ranboo's chest, accompanied by the comforting vibration of soft purring.

“Mhm, I recognized his cat and she led me straight to him."

Who was talking? What were they talking about?

There was a considering hum from the first voice, "Well at least now we know he's not dead," the voice mused in a low tone that Ranboo felt he should have recognized.

A soft sigh, "Yeah, I just wish I had found him sooner."

Were they talking about _him?_ Who were they- actually, where the heck _was he?_

Last he remembered, Ranboo was-

His breathing stuttered, quickening ever so slightly.

At the bottom of a crumbling pit- no, no that wasn't right…

He furrowed his brows, eyes still closed as he tried to remember.

He fell into a ravine- why did he fall into the ravine?

Enderchest! He was looking for Ender because she went missing, and then he fell and then- and then everything started hurting.

Someone found him, somebody came when he called out for help.

**_“You can stop pretending to sleep now. You shall not be harmed here, voidling."_ **

Ranboo startled at the sound of endspeak, eyes shooting open as he looked for the speaker.

His mismatched eyes fell on a towering enderman that sat in a wooden boat. they stared evenly back at him, though neither were willing to actually meet the other’s gaze.

**_“Who are you? Where am I?"_ **Ranboo questioned, barely noticing as Ender made a curious noise from his chest.

The enderman made a disapproving _vworp._ **_“Mind your manners, you weren't raised in the nether,"_** They chided.

Ranboo looked away with an apologetic mumble.

**_“You may refer to me as Edward. I live with the blademaster and his winged companion,"_ ** The enderman answered his earlier question.

_Oh!_ Oh jeez, how did he already manage to forget about the two other people he heard?

Ranboo awkwardly pushed himself into a sitting position, Enderchest easily moving to lay in his lap.

The same man who found him in the ravine was watching him patiently.

Yet another frustratingly familiar man was sitting on a windowsill, also looking between Ranboo and Edward.

The young hybrid's face burned in embarrassment. How long had he been using endspeak in front of them?

The winged man offered a kind smile, "How're you holdin' up Ranboo?"

Oh ho ho, _yep._ Ranboo was _definitely_ supposed to know who this was if they knew him by name.

His tail flicked out of nervous habit. “I mean- I've been better I suppose, but not nearly as bad as I was expecting given the… Broken? I'm pretty sure my arm's broken- regardless, it's not as bad as I was expecting," he rambled, fiddling absentmindedly with the fabric that held his broken arm in place.

The winged man nodded in confirmation, "Don't think it was that bad of a break though. We reckon it'll be nearly back to normal in a week or so if we use potions."

The man at the window sill hummed, "Yep. You'll be all good to go soon as long as you don't do anything dumb- like messing up your sling." The man's crimson eyes seemed to stare straight through Ranboo.

Ranboo’s fidgeting hand jerked away from the sling, instead beginning to brush through Ender's fur. 

"Sorry," he apologized quietly.

The window man shrugged nonchalantly- damn, he really needed to get their names.

Ranboo focused his attention on the cat in his lap to avoid having to look at the other two people in the room. He took a deep breath, well, no time like the present.

He brought his gaze back up, flicking it between the two men. "Sorry if this is a stupid question… But, uh- who are you guys again?" He finally worked up the courage to ask.

His words were met by silence and it didn't take long for panic to begin setting in.

"Sorry, I just have a really bad memory. I don't mean to offend either of you- I feel like I probably know you guys, but I just _can't place it_ and-"

The winged man held up his hand, "Breathe, it's all good mate. I'm Phil, this is Techno. I'd like to think we were on good terms," Phil introduced the both of them.

Ranboo relaxed marginally. Yes... yes, those names felt right.

”Don't feel pressured to answer just yet- but how much do you remember from before the forest," Phil asked.

Ranboo frowned, what _did_ he remember? 

No matter how hard he tried, his mind continued to draw blanks. Absolutely nothing to speak of, he could have sworn he tended to remember emotional or impactful things.

And something important must have happened for him to end up stranded in the middle of nowhere, _right?_

"Hmm… I- well I'm not gonna lie, I can't really remember _anything."_ That was scary, he felt like he should know at least one thing from before the forest.

It was as if there was a wall in his mind, blocking out the things he _knew_ should have been there. So much missing information that felt oh so _frustratingly_ close to his grasp, so many blank spots where there should have been emotionally charged events.

A hand ruffled his hair and a confused warble slipped from his mouth as he was brought back out of his thoughts.

“That’s okay. Let's all try to see this as an opportunity to make new memories- _better_ memories, yeah?” Phil suggested with a smile that caused warmth to swell in Ranboo’s chest.

The young hybrid found himself tentatively smiling back at the man, a bright flame of hope that was small, but determined to grow. “Yeah,” He agreed softly.

A warped chuckle from Edward had Ranboo peeking around Phil in an attempt to figure out what the elder found so amusing.

Only for the enderman to be staring directly at him- or, almost directly at him.

Ranboo followed Edward’s gaze all the way to the hybrid’s own tail. 

...Which was thumping happily against the top of the blankets. 

He forcibly grabbed his tail within his hand and held it still- how did he not notice that _earlier?_

**_“No need to feel embarrassed, It is refreshing to see such childishness after so many years of grit and cold,”_ ** Edward assured him.

Ranboo ducked his head, “Oh.” He wasn’t all too sure how he was meant to respond to that. 

“So-" Ranboo looked up again as Phil began to speak, "-you can actually understand other endermen? Aw, that's so fucking cool, dude." Phil looked between Ranboo and Edward, wings quivering as though they wanted to flap open in excitement.

Ranboo's shy smile returned, playing with the fluffy tip of his tail. "Is it cool? I kind of just switch into endspeak whenever I'm under a lot of stress," he glanced at Edward, "Or- or talking with another enderman, I guess," he admitted.

Phil sat down on the edge of the bed, "Super cool, mate. I've always had my hunch that they had their own proper language, I just never had the means to prove it," he said with a light chuckle.

Ranboo felt his ears perk up a bit, letting go of his tail in favour of petting Enderchest again. “Endspeak was actually my first language- or, at least, I think it is? I don’t actually remember a whole lot of my childhood, so it’s really just a guess based on how I revert to that language whenever I’m stressed out about things,” he admitted.

There was something weirdly exciting and relieving to be able to talk to somebody about things, even if those things were just languages. 

"Alright, that’s enough geeking out for now. You guys are beginning to sound like a bunch of _nerds."_ Techno pushed himself off the windowsill and walked over to the chests lining the far wall.

Phil burst out laughing, "Oh, fuck off Tech, you are _literally_ the nerdiest person I know!"

Techno paused as he opened a chest, raising his brows at the winged man. "Never said I wasn't," he deadpanned, turning his face away as the ghost of a smile formed on his face. 

Ranboo tilted his head as he watched Techno rifle through chests for an unknown item.

The pink haired man stood back up and tossed something at Ranboo, who fumbled to catch it with one hand. 

Ranboo looked down quizzically at the apple now within his grasp. _“Why did he…?"_ Ranboo mumbled, head tilting in confusion.

“I’m just assumin’ you haven’t eaten much recently,” Techno guessed.

“It’s not a whole lot, but it should be enough to tide you over until I put together some proper food,” The man continued as he opened up another chest and began picking out various things that Ranboo couldn’t quite see from his angle.

The young hybrid looked back down at the apple, “Oh, um- thank you very much, sir,” he stammered before taking a small bite out of the fruit.

His eyes widened minutely at the sweet taste filling his mouth. He didn't even realize just how empty his stomach felt up until that moment, only feeling the twisting ache now that he was eating something again. 

It didn't take long for him to practically devour the apple, licking at his lips and hungry for more.

His head snapped to the side with perked ears as Phil started laughing uncontrollably.

_“Jesus fuck-_ you must be pretty hungry if you ate whole fucking _apple core!"_ Phil got out between bouts of laughter and giggles.

Edward let out a low chuckle and Ranboo ducked his head in embarrassment. "Woops," 

Phil pat him on the shoulder, mindful of the teen’s injured arm. “No worries, mate. Techno’s an incredible cook, we’ll have your stomach filled in no time,” the man assured him before standing back up and ruffling his feathers.

“Make yourself at home, we’ll be back in a bit,” Phil said, taking a few things from Techno before the two ascended up a ladder, leaving Ranboo alone.

_“Mrrup?”_

Well… Maybe not quite alone.

He leaned back against the wall his cot was pushed against, half-lidded gaze flitting from Enderchest in his lap, to Edward who watched calmly from their boat. He felt like he was missing something important, like a fundamental part of who he was had gone missing.

“No use dwelling on that right now… My memory is still being as useless as ever,” Ranboo muttered with a heavy sigh.

He eventually settled on staring out the window, watching as fluffy snow drifted by and wondering if it would hurt nearly as much as rain did to touch it.

\---

Ranboo stared up at the ceiling, wood tinted a warm orange from the slow burning flame that warmed the house with ease.

His stomach was full and Ender was curled peacefully into his side, he was safe here.

So then why did he still feel like his lungs were being crushed beneath an invisible force? 

A whirlwind of unintelligible thoughts and feelings trapped beneath layers of static.

Ranboo had to refrain from sighing. He was definitely missing something- which, granted, wasn't saying much considering his typical memory issues. But it felt like more than that, like he was lost- or, or maybe something else was lost?

He let his eyes slip closed. He wasn't sure how quickly sleep would come, but he dearly hoped it was sometime soon.

\--

_"Ranboo is a traitor! He has been talking with Technoblade behind your backs for weeks now!" Dream revealed._

_Eyes. So, so many eyes staring through him, picking him apart and mocking him._

_Ranboo choked on his words, frantically grabbing the notebook from the inside of his suit._

_Blank pages. An inked smile that made fear pound against the walls of his skull was the only thing marking the pages now._

_"Here, see for yourself."_

_How did Dream have his journal? How, how, how,_ **_how? How could he let this happen?_ **

_They hated him- everyone hated him now._

_A nation left in ruin._

_People screaming in terror all around him as their home was shaken by rumbling tremors and loud noises that rang in Ranboo’s ears long after they had gone off._

_Three black skulls with rattling bones and shrieks that pierced through his very soul and caused him to tremble in fear._

_Cold walls that emanated a pale purple light closed in around him._

_Too small, too small, too small- he couldn’t breathe- he_ **_can't-_ ** _where was he? Why was he here!_

_Dream's voice murmured into his ear, voice like molasses as he spoke with such certainty he had to be telling the truth._

_The false journal was in his hands again._

_That smile- that_ ** _goddamn_** **_smile._** _It taunted him, it saw his pain and his fear and it grinned, taking a twisted sense of joy in his suffering._

_It knew. It knew how badly he'd messed things up and it_ **_laughed._ **

_His memory book._

_The fact that Dream had that book in his possession only solidified the masked man's claims as he continued to whisper all of the hybrid's shortcomings into his ear._

_He had to get out. He couldn't be trusted anymore, he hurt his friends._

_The memory books hurt his friends._

_He stood over a sputtering flame, books in hand._

_Ranboo wanted to scream. What was he doing-_ **_no, stop, stop, stop!_ **

_The journals were thoughtlessly discarded by his own hands. Flames hungrily ate up the flammable paper and charred the leather binding._

_\--_

Ranboo woke up choking on his own breath, the scent of wood smoke filling his lungs and burning his nose. 

He clamped a hand over his mouth in a desperate attempt to muffle the panicked _vwips_ and warbled yelps.

He frantically struggled against the blankets restraining his every movement. The panic and fear began to build up in his chest, eyes wide and unfocused.

A wave of vertigo crashed over him with bright purple sparks and a low _vwoop_ that seemed to bounce around in his skull.

The hybrid collapsed into the piercing cold. Strangely enough, he couldn't find it in himself to mind the chill very much. Anything would be better than the feeling of being trapped in such a small space, air tainted by smoke.

Heat was gathering behind his eyes and Ranboo began to blink frantically. He really didn't want to cry right now, he knew that if he started he wouldn't stop. Because tears meant pain, and pain would only result in more tears to burn through his skin.

Ranboo curled into himself, his broken arm cradled to his chest and head tucked against gangly legs.

_Why?_ Why would he do that? Why did he burn it? "Why did you _burn_ the memory book? How could you be such an _idiot?"_ He hissed, pulling at his hair in a fit of frustration.

"No, you- you have to be misremembering things again. Because that book had _everything_ in it, there’s no way you-" his voice caught on the lump in his throat, quivering and unsteady.

Something touched his shoulder and Ranboo tensed, fear and anxiety skyrocketing.

He acted purely out of impulse, twisting his head and snapping his teeth at whatever was touching him.

The contact disappeared and Ranboo was quick to jump to his feet, stumbling back a few steps with a wary rumble deep in his chest.

"Hey, it's okay, it's okay. I'm not gonna hurt you," a familiar voice soothed.

Ranboo blinked a few times, breaths coming out in short, uneven, gasps. He squinted with flicked forward ears as he tried to force himself back into focus.

“It's just me, mate." 

The name of the voice finally clicked on the last word. _"Phil?"_ Ranboo was barely able to choke out even that one word thanks to the lump in his throat.

He still couldn't quite focus, but he recognized the outline of impressive wings in the cold light of the moon. 

“Yeah, that's it, bud. We’re outside of Techno’s place. Edward and Enderchest were upset, so I came out to make sure you were doing alright,” Phil explained calmly, palms open in a peaceful gesture.

Ranboo deflated a bit, shoulders untensing and ears drooping. He hummed in quiet acknowledgment, the noise coming out warped and pitchy.

Phil took a cautious step forward, “It’s pretty chilly out, you wanna head inside now? I don’t mind brewing some tea if you’d like,” he suggested.

The teen stared down at his hands, they looked and felt unwieldy on him, like they weren’t his own. Even with one of them pinned to his chest by a sling, buzzing with mild pain from the movement- it felt fake.

He exhaled shakily and looked back up at Phil, letting his other arm drop back to his side. Two-toned hair dropped over his eyes as he nodded mutely and stumbled over to the man, wincing at the biting cold that was engulfing the lower half of his unsteady legs.

“Jeez dude, why don’t you have any shoes on?” Phil grimaced, a slight shiver running through his wings at the sight.

Ranboo shrugged uselessly, he didn’t even remember how he got outside in the first place if he was being completely honest.

The winged man reached out to Ranboo, only to hesitate at the last second. “Is it alright if I pick you up? We’re not far, but I don’t want you to walk through this shit barefoot.”

Ranboo couldn’t help but tilt his head, some part of him felt so used to the idea of people doing things without asking first. Along with the impulse of having to hide all of his belongings to avoid them being stolen already so heavily ingrained into him.

He realized Phil was still waiting for some kind of response, Ranboo’s legs gave out under him before he could so much as nod his head.

Hands grabbed him before he could hit the snowy ground, fully supporting his weight against a warm side. “Woah, steady there, mate,” Phil muttered.

An arm caught the bend of Ranboo’s legs, and he was soon held safely in Phil’s arms as the man trekked back through deep snow.

Something about this was familiar… If only he hadn’t _burned_ the _one thing_ containing his memories.

Ranboo hid his face in Phil’s chest as if that would save him from the simmering hatred and frustration he felt for his past self. 

\---

Phil set a steaming cup of tea on the coffee table in front of Ranboo before sitting down on the other side of the couch.

Ranboo was curled against the armrest, tail curled around his legs and eyes staring blankly at the hot drink. Enderchest was already hugged to his chest and purring loudly.

It was… Definitely concerning, to say the very least.

Having been woken up by claws scratching at his bedroom door and meowing that somehow seemed to have a note of panic in it.

Getting up to see what may as well have been a cloud of purple particles surrounding Edward as the enderman growled and chittered, glaring out the window with visible agitation.

Following the enderman’s gaze out the window and spotting the teen that should have been fast asleep hunched over in the field of untouched snow.

He seemed so scared, trembling in the cold with specks of glowing purple drifting off his form. The way his eyes were wide and unfocused for a few seconds too long after Phil made the mistake of touching him without prior warning.

Phil shook the thoughts from his mind and returned his attention to Ranboo. He wasn’t shaking anymore, that was good at the very least.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Phil asked gently.

The teen didn’t respond, and for a moment, Phil thought the teen didn’t even hear him.

Until, the tip of Ranboo’s tail flicked and he exhaled softly, ducking his head to press his nose into Ender’s fur.

“Phil… I think I messed up,” Ranboo mumbled, almost too quiet to hear.

Phil said nothing, waiting patiently for the younger to continue at his own pace despite the itching curiosity. 

Ranboo lifted his head and gazed at the corner of the room, where the fireplace crackled with warmth and soft background noise. “I think- I don’t know if I ever told you this, I can't exactly remember,” his voice grew bitter towards the end of his sentence.

“But I have- I used to have a memory book, titled _‘do not read’”_

Phil felt a slight spark of recognition at the name, Ranboo had always seemed rather attached to his book. It was to the point that it felt almost strange not to see him flip through the pages every now and again.

“Key words there are _used to-”_ Ranboo’s tail coiled, “I- Phil, I think I burned the book,” he finally admitted in a wobbly voice.

Shock ran through the man at the quiet admission, followed by growing confusion. He was careful to keep his expression impassive despite the feelings, he didn’t want to spook the kid out of continuing.

Ranboo’s hands were beginning to tremble again as he went on, “And I- I _wish_ that was all that I did- but-” he swallowed thickly, “but I think _I_ helped Dream- I helped him get tnt, and I blew up the community…” Ranboo trailed off, brow furrowing.

_“No…_ No that doesn’t make any sense, you don’t have access to tnt- but I- he _said_ it was my fault,” the teen devolved into a muttered spiral of conflicted thoughts.

The muttering only brought more questions to the forefront of Phil’s mind. Ranboo didn’t seem like the type to be particularly fond of Dream, much less of violence and destruction. The teen always came across as a pacifist who would do most anything to avoid conflict.

Unless someone was feeding him lies, the near perfect frame.

“Ranboo.”

The hybrid in question, whose breathing was beginning to turn short and stuttery again, snapped his mouth shut and turned his head to Phil.

Ranboo didn’t meet his gaze, but Phil wasn’t expecting him to. The kid had never told him outright, but it made sense if he was part enderman.

“Who told you those things?” Phil asked, getting straight to the point.

Ranboo’s ears twisted flat against the sides of his head, frown tugging at his lips. “Dream- well, no, it wasn’t Dream- it couldn't have been Dream… But it sounded like him- I don’t know. I’m sorry, I probably sound insane right now, but I- I had a nightmare,” Ranboo paused for a moment as he thought over his words.

“No, it wasn’t a _nightmare,_ it was a memory. Phil- Phil _I betrayed them._ Tubbo placed _so much trust in me,_ only for me to _immediately_ go behind his back, by- not only _visiting Techno,_ but giving back _all of his gear!”_ Ranboo met Phil’s wide eyed stare with his own tear-filled ones for a split second before tearing them away again.

Phil reached out hesitantly, “Ranboo, it’s not your fault for-” his hand was slapped away.

“But that’s _the thing,_ Phil. It _is_ my fault- _all of it’s my fault,”_ Ranboo said with a bitter chuckle as tears slid down his face, leaving faint marks behind.

“Because _how else_ did Dream get _my_ notebook, _huh?_ I never let that thing out of my sight, the only logical conclusion is that _I gave it to him,“_ Ranboo pointed out.

Phil looked away, he wasn’t there when Ranboo was labeled as a traitor. And Techno’s retellings of that day tended to be much more focused on what Tommy did as opposed to whatever happened with Ranboo.

Ranboo continued speaking, voice filled bitter cold directed at none other than himself. "All of the evidence leads to the voice being right- to me destroying the community house and helping _Dream,"_ he spat out Dream’s name like it was the most vile of poisons.

“And then I even _burned_ my memory books,” Ranboo’s voice broke, warped noises falling out of his mouth with rising distress.

_Fuck-_ purple particles were starting to swirl around the kid, fading into nothing as they hit the couch. Phil had to calm him down before they had another teleportation problem on their hands. Who knows where Ranboo would end up if he teleported for a second time in his panic.

"Ranboo- hey bud, can you tell me five things you can see?" Phil asked, forcing the worry out of his voice.

Ranboo started glancing around the room uncertainly, "Um, the- the cot… Edward, a painting… A bookshelf and- and the cup of tea you made me," he listed off slowly.

Phil hummed, "Good, now can you tell me three things you can touch?"

The teen looked down at the sleepy cat in his lap, running his fingers through her fur. "Enderchest-" he put his hand on the couch cushion and flexed his claws a few times, "Couch-" Ranboo reached out farther along the couch and took a fistful of Phil's cloak, "You," he finished, breathing already getting infinitely more steady.

Phil smiled and grabbed Ranboo’s hand, massaging it gently with his thumb. "There you go, mate, you’re here.”

Ranboo breathed a soft sigh, unfurling slightly so he could lean into Phil’s side. He looked utterly _exhausted,_ eyelids drooping and head nodding as he struggled to fight off the growing drowsiness.

Phil adjusted his position to wrap his wing around the sleepy teen’s shoulders. He leaned back against the couch and stared into the warm fire, fully prepared to wake up the next morning with a painful crick in his neck.

“Hey Phil?”

Phil gave an inquisitive hum in response, sparing a glance down at the kid at his side.

Ranboo’s fist tightened around the man’s cloak, “I’m scared to fall asleep… I don’t want to see those things again- I don’t- I don’t want to hear his voice again,” he admitted in a quiet whisper.

Phil hugged him closer to his side, careful to remain mindful of the cat that he sincerely doubted was legitimately asleep in Ranboo’s lap. “Just close your eyes, I’ll be here to wake you if anything happens, alright?” He murmured reassuringly, feeling himself begin to drift off to sleep as well.

He didn’t get another response, but it didn’t take long for the weight against his side to increase and the soft sound of breathing to even out.

His heavy gaze swept over the room briefly. Edward was sitting with impeccable posture as always as they watched over Ranboo, looking away as soon as Phil’s eyes landed on him.

Phil’s eyes dropped to the coffee table, where the teacup still sat, completely untouched. Steam was no longer rising up from the top. Just how long had it been since Phil brought Ranboo inside?

He sighed and closed his tired eyes. It didn’t exactly matter all too much, he’d just have to deal with it tomorrow. 

And so, with what was essentially a living space-heater attached to his side, Phil embraced sleep.

\---

Ranboo blinked sleep from his eyes, feeling much more rested than he’d felt in a long while.

He sat up slowly, stretching his neck in an attempt to dispel the ache that seemed to have settled there overnight. 

**_“Good morning, voidling. You gave quite the freight last night, you are very fortunate your small friend managed to wake the winged one,”_ ** Edward greeted from their boat.

**_“Wha-”_ ** A yawn interrupted Ranboo’s still half asleep mumble.

Ranboo froze as fractured memories came flooding back, his face burned from embarrassment and he was quick to hide it in his hand. “Oh my goodness, I can’t believe I broke down in front of Phil like that,” he groaned, ears flicking back.

This was bad- he confided so much in Phil last night, how dumb could he get? 

He was surprised he didn't wake up in a snowbank for the things he admitted to doing. What good was a forgetful traitor to people like Techno and Phil?

Maybe they hadn't tossed him out yet because they were going to ransom him off. 

Hand him off to the ex-L'Manbergians in exchange for… Well, he wasn't quite sure what they would want, but surely there had to be _something._

**_"Stop,"_ ** Edward clicked firmly.

Ranboo was sitting upright in an instant, he didn't even know what he had been doing wrong.

The Enderman was watching him with a steady gaze that settled just above Ranboo’s eyes. **_"I see you falling down the same path as before. Your essence is far too unstable to handle such things at this point in time."_ **

Ranboo noticed the faintly glowing purple particles gathering and frantically waved his hand around in an attempt to dispel them. “Oh! That’s so _weird,_ I don’t think I’ve ever done that before,” he mumbled, inspecting himself curiously to see if more would appear.

He couldn’t help the slight disappointment that lingered when the particles refused to return.

The feeling was almost immediately forgotten as Enderchest padded over and trilled a friendly greeting.

Ranboo got to his feet, grinning as Ender affectionately headbutted his leg, crouching down to pet her dark fur before straightening up again.

His gaze did a quick sweep of the room, taking note of how quiet it was. The coat hooks by the door had only one cloak hung up. It looked different to the ones Phil and Techno wore, much more fur padding the inside, as if it were for someone entirely unused to the colder climate.

“Do you know where Techno and Phil went?” Ranboo questioned, glancing over his shoulder at Edward.

The elder tilted their head as they thought back, **_“Out,”_ ** they responded simply,

Ranboo’s tail flicked, raising his brows with an unimpressed stare. _“Really?_ I hadn’t noticed,” he scoffed sarcastically.

Edward let out a warped chuckle that was beginning to become more and more familiar to the teen. **_“Mind your manners, voidling,”_ ** they reminded with no strictness in their tone.

Ranboo dipped his head respectfully, though a small smile had returned to his face. “Right, my bad. Do you at least know when they’ll be back?”

A deliberating hum, and then, **_“I predict they’ll return by noontide.”_ ** Edward guessed.

The hybrid nodded absentmindedly, walking lazy circles around the room as his tail swayed behind him. His fingers flexed every now and again, fiddling with the hem of his sleeve to busy themselves.

He peeked out the window, huffing a sigh at the monotone grey skies.

Ranboo pressed his face against the glass, nose twitching at the shocking contrast of cold against his cheek. Another heavy sigh escaped his lips, pushing nearly all of his weight against the windowsill.

**_“Would you like something to do?”_ **

Ranboo stood up straight and ran a hand through his hair to fix the strands that had gotten stuck against his face. “Huh- what?” 

**_“They have dogs in the structure outside, I feel you would fit right in with them,”_ ** Edward stated simply, barely sparing a glance towards Ranboo.

The teen narrowed his eyes, was he seriously being compared to some kind of puppy right now?

“You know what? It’s something to do,” Ranboo sighed, finding his shoes by the door and slipping them on.

He pushed open the front door, being met by what felt like a wall of frigid air that sent a shiver all the way to the tip of his tail.

He briefly debated snagging the spare cloak off the hook, but ultimately decided against that idea. The last thing he wanted to do was overstay his welcome any more than he already had.

The ' _structure'_ ' that Edward had been talking about was quite literally right beside the main house. It honestly didn’t look like something Techno or Phil would build, sloppily put together, in a half-finished sort of way.

They weren’t lying about dogs being in there though, Ranboo could hear energetic barking from inside as he approached the door.

What had to have been forty dogs all turned their heads to look at him as Ranboo stepped in, shutting the door behind him and debating how easily they would be able to maul him to death.

Ranboo all but threw himself back against the door as a whole pack of big fluffy dogs came barreling towards him at full speed. 

He let out a strangled yelp as he was bowled over and buried under several pounds of overexcited fluffballs with sharp nails and eager kisses.

_“Agh-_ bad dogs, stop! Sit, _sit!”_ He ordered while squirming in an attempt to avoid getting a dog tongue in his mouth.

Good news, they were pretty obedient dogs.

Bad news, at least two of them decided to sit down directly on top of Ranboo, serving as heavy weights on his chest and legs.

The hybrid shoved the one off his chest, wincing and cradling his injured arm, which had unfortunately gotten a little trampled. The sling that had been holding the arm in place was quite nearly in tatters thanks to the untrimmed nails of the dogs.

Now that he had the time to form proper thoughts again, these dogs were probably trained for fighting, if what little he remembered about Techno was at all accurate.

After doing his best to fix the sling, Ranboo redirected his gaze back to the dogs. They stared attentively back at him, open-mouthed panting as they waited for some kind of order.

Ranboo looked at the dog still sitting on his legs, holding his breath to avoid the terrible scent of dog breath in his face.

The dog’s tail began wagging at even the slightest acknowledgment, going into hyperdrive when Ranboo lifted his hand to pat it on the head a few times.

A couple more impatient dogs cautiously padded over, gently nudging at his hand with cold noses and whining in a quiet demand for headpats.

The teen giggled, feeling his own tail thump happily as he ran his fingers through thick fur, giving them affectionate headbutts that were more of a habit ingrained into him by Enderchest.

It didn’t take long for him to be completely surrounded by the massive dogs again, struggling to pet all of them.

\---

Phil groaned, pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes at the feeling of a growing headache.

“Villagers are such a hassle to work with- but it is a _necessary sacrifice,_ ” he reminded himself, shifting his hands to grip at the satchel that he had slung over his shoulder.

He spread out his wings, giving a few half-flaps just to warm them back up and stretch them out after being stuck inside cramped village houses since sunrise.

The sun was completely covered up by drab grey clouds, but you didn’t spend a stupid amount of time outdoors and traveling without developing some kind of sixth sense for the general time. He knew Techno had to be finishing up with the turtles around now, if he hurried, Phil should be able to get there in time to walk back to the house with the other man.

A grin tugged at his lips as he bent his knees slightly before flapping hard enough to launch himself into the air, disrupting the surrounding snow into a cloud of white.

Cold wind nipped at any exposed skin and tugged at his hair as he soared high through the sky.

He didn’t even have to watch the ground, he’d gone to and from the village more times than he could honestly count. The entire trip may as well have been muscle memory by that point.

Phil flapped harder, wind howling loudly enough to drown out any thoughts drifting through his mind, a moment of peace after weeks of stress with all the planning and then a missing Ranboo.

He almost flew straight past the turtle farm, deftly swerving to get back on track. His eyes easily picked out the red and blue of Techno’s cape against the otherwise white background.

“Hey Techno!” Phil greeted as he flared his wings and landed nearby, jogging out the momentum.

Techno didn’t so much as flinch at the sudden appearance of his friend. “Hey Phil, business all done and taken care of?” He asked, absently fiddling with a bag that was no-doubt filled with scutes.

Phil hummed and firmly pat the satchel at his hip, “Yup, lots of haggling and a killer headache later, I finally got the shit I needed at a semi-reasonable price.”

The warrior nodded, sending a fleeting glance towards the satchel. “Good, good. What was it that you needed again? We usually have everything useful on hand,” Techno mused.

“Yeah… I don’t know if you remember, but Ranboo always carried a book on him, pretty sure it was for his memory problems. Regardless, that book was pretty important to him- well, I think he said he burned it? Whatever, he seemed pretty fucken’ upset about it, so I figured I might as well get him a new one, you know?” Phil explained, walking alongside Techno as they made their way back home.

Techno was quiet for a moment as he thought, before snapping his fingers suddenly, “Ah, yeah, I remember handing that back to him whenever we blew L’Manberg sky high. It was titled ‘ _do not read',_ like it was some kid’s diary,” he recalled.

“I mean- I suppose it _was_ a kid’s diary… Wait, you said he burned it? _Why?”_ Techno puzzled, pace faltering briefly.

Phil looked up at the sky with a soft exhale, remembering the previous night. How Ranboo practically spilled his guts to the winged man, though he knew full well the younger was without a doubt keeping quiet about a countless number of troubles.

“Can’t say for certain. I reckon there were a good number of things he just didn’t want to remember, too painful I guess,” Phil said with a twinge of sadness he fought to keep out of his voice.

Gods knew Phil had his things he’d rather forget, past failures and fuckups he couldn’t take back. He took a deep breath, taking in the sharp scent of pine and fresh snow before clearing his throat and trying at a smile.

“Well, that’s enough out of me. How was your day, mate? Any cool shit happen?”

\---

Ranboo was curled up with a pack of half-asleep dogs, purring contentedly and on the verge of passing back out when the door creaked open.

Which triggered one of the more jumpy dogs into yipping excitedly… Which also happened to trigger the rest of the dogs into jumping to their paws, all barking and spinning in circles.

Ranboo clumsily got up to his feet, leaning against the wall and yawning. “I’m awake!”

The teen blinked spots from his vision and shook his head, spitting both dog fur and his own hair out of his mouth.

His vision came back into focus as he heard a light chuckle. Phil stood in the doorway, not knocked over by the dogs who sat obediently before him instead of trampling him the first chance they got.

“Hey Ranboo, how’ve you been?” The winged man asked, stepping further into the building and scritching behind a dog’s ear as he passed it.

Ranboo tilted his head from side to side, “Oh, you know… Edward got bored of my pacing, so they sent me to the doghouse. So I mean, I’d say I’m doing pretty good!” He chirped with a small smile.

“Oh, so is _that_ why you’re in here?” Phil mumbled, more to himself than anything.

Ranboo nodded anyway, “Mhm. So what were you guys doing all day?”

“If you don’t mind me asking, that is,” he added on quickly, running a hand through his hair,

Phil waved his hand dismissively, “Don’t worry about it, I was actually out to get you something,” he admitted casually.

Ranboo perked up at the prospect of a gift, stepping around dogs to get closer to Phil.

The winged man reached into worn leather satchel, “And… _Viola!”_ He pulled out a notebook and pushed it into Ranboo’s hands.

Ranboo looked down at the gift, rendered both speechless and breathless.

It was beautifully bound with flowery markings etched into the leather. A simple strip of dyed blue leather kept the book shut. He pulled at the knot to reveal hundreds of thick pages, unmarked and ready to be filled in.

Undeniable warmth gathered in Ranboo’s chest, growing until he felt like he might explode from just the feeling alone. He had to blink rapidly to fend off the tears that threatened to spill over and made his sight blurry.

“So, what do you thi-”

Ranboo threw himself at Phil, journal clutched tightly in his hand as he hugged the man as tightly as he possibly could with his broken arm.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” the young hybrid repeated over and over, face tucked into the fluffy hood of the man’s cloak as his tail lashed happily behind him.

Soft feathered wings wrapped him in a cozy embrace, “Of course, it was my pleasure, Ranboo. Remember that you’re always safe here, no one’s going to hurt you anymore.”

Ranboo’s breath hitched, infinitely grateful for the fluff that absorbed his tears before they could burn him.

_“Thank you.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> Feel free to let me know if there were any spelling mistakes I missed or a trigger warning I should add.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated, but not necessary of course, I appreciate you taking the time to read my stuff regardless <3
> 
> Hope you all have a lovely rest of your day or night, see you later! :]

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to let me know if there were any spelling mistakes or trigger warnings I happened to miss!
> 
> Comments are always appreciated, but not necessary of course, I thank you for reading and hope you enjoyed regardless.
> 
> Take care, and have a nice rest of your day or night! <3


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